An Open Letter to the Difficult Person

It’s possible we meet often throughout the year, but you’re like clockwork in my life around this season. I often wonder how many of you Charles Dickens had to meet before creating the character of Ebenezer Scrooge. I sometimes sit in the quiet of my home, where all is supposed to be calm and bright, left thinking on the things you’ve said or done to me. Maybe you know about it, maybe you don’t, but in letting it sit in those brief moments I’ve found myself isolated from the very things we anticipate during the holiday season; hope, joy, and love. 

During Christmas my daughters love running around the house singing “Jingle Bells” and other merry tunes. As a family we go out and marvel at the lights other families display, and together we take the time to share warmth, meals, and gift exchanges with one another in our homes. Due to those precious traditions and memories I hold close to my heart, it’s easy to become bothered by you and to, at times, wish you’d be visited by three ghosts yourself. 

But alas, that’s not how Christmas works. 

You see if I were to hold the laughter, glistening, and warmth of the fireplace a little looser, I’d remember that Christmas is a gift to the broken. I’d see a gift of life, offered in the lowest possible place, was meant to meet those in their most devastating seasons. I’d realize the ghost of christmas past, present, and future, written in a timeless classic was a reflection of the truth of Jesus being the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. It will never matter how difficult we become. Love will always be stronger.

I've decided this holiday season when I meet you on the streets, in my home, or at my work, instead of becoming bothered by you, I will take a deep breath and meet you where you are. There is a reason that baby was born in a manger. There’s a reason as a man he was beaten and bruised, shamed, and hung on a cross for all to see. I will walk with you and meet Him there because we can’t get any lower than that. And we cannot love any stronger than that. This holiday season when I become difficult, please do the same for me.

‘Tis the season of anticipation, we all feel it in our hearts. How we respond is our choice.  How others respond is their choice. Responding to them in joy, hope, and love is our responsibility. That IS Christmas.

Pumpkins

Pumpkins {favor & potential}

Pumpkins... you're seeing a lot of them. We love them! Why do we love pumpkins so much? Is it their odd shape, color, or downright enchanting way about them?

What do you think of when you see a pumpkin? Do you see the 1950's magical vessel of dreams beckoning to carry you to your destiny of ever after? Or do you see an opportunity, a potential in either in art or a baked creation?

Can we see both? Of course we can! We're living in the "&"! Not one or the other!

In various parts of the world, pumpkins are seen as enchanting, prosperous, and abundant fruits, and the seeds of a pumpkin represent dreams. YOUR dreams! God knows we have a lot of them. You have one right now, in your heart. Here lies the question. Where is your pumpkin planted? Where is it displayed? Are your seeds planted in the right conditions to grow? Is your hope and faith where they need to be? 

Maybe not... maybe you've planted yourself in doubt and the potential you thought you had is feeling a little disheartened.

You. are. enough. Because God loves you so much you have the favor you need to take another step. His grace and mercy is waiting to sweep you off your feet and carry you to an ever after of eternal love. Plant yourself there. Find abundance in His promises and truth and the potential you've felt you have in your heart and dreams will reveal themselves in the fruit, I mean, pumpkins you bear.

The next time a pumpkin catches your eye, remember you can do this and He's wanting His abundance to flow through YOU.

Kaleidoscope

How can God use THIS?

Have you ever broken something and just stood there in shock that something once useful is now completely useless and unfixable!? Just moments ago it was perfect. Moments.

I wake up more often than not with that question pointing at myself. "God, how can you use THIS? ME!? I just see shattered pieces." The moment my eyes open and focus I find myself trying to sweep myself up or under the rug hoping that if I just cover enough of the cracks God will use me then; that I somehow made it better. Yesterday was better, why not just have used me then?

Today I fumbled over conversations, stumbled into dangerous territory. I forgot promises made and fell short of deadlines. I've yelled way too much, occasionally at strangers and I was so sensitive, the heat of the wrath that followed made global warming undeniable.

Don't you want to be my friend? lol I'm done. Broken. It's over. How can God use this?

I sat staring at the sun peaking through the blinds, watching time slowly shift the broken shadows. A beautiful kaleidoscope made its way through my living room, constantly changing the pattern of light. I began turning thoughts in my head...

Maybe we're not supposed to pretend to be a solid perfect piece. Maybe through our shattered and sharp edges a constant Light shines through us and reflects a picture greater than ourselves. Maybe instead of trying to cover the cracks, God moving us in our brokenness will be more beautiful and make more sense than ANYTHING we could put together.

By being willing to change, I'm transformed constantly by a perfect Light that shines through me creating a pattern, story and vision beyond what I could ever see myself creating.

God loves kaleidoscopes and no matter who you are or what you've done, He loves you and He longs to shine through you. Stop sweeping yourself under the rug. Stop hiding in the dark. Tomorrow is a new day. Be willing to point yourself to the Light.

Living in the "&"

Can I be honest with you? I'm sitting on five loads of laundry. I have 283492 thoughts racing through my mind, Cora is still in her pajamas and my bed is barely made.

Organization, focus --- words that always seem so far from me and everything I am. I long to be the woman busy in the kitchen with a game plan and a schedule but I'm not. I'm the one sitting in the living room watching people talk, curious about their movements and embracing the moment. I love it but at the end of the day, my heart is full but my head's in a dizzy.

How was Jesus pleased with this type of person? I look back on the story of sisters Mary & Martha and I'm stumped. I mean of course it's a wonderful thing to sit and listen to the message He had to bring but when I read it I kinda see a girl lacking in focus and skipping out on her duties. I relate to her. I'm yelling at her "Get up! Go help your sister! Feed Jesus and those people gathered in your home! Be a good host! Someone will take notes for you lol"

Then I see Martha, slaving away, so focused on the details of the gathering and I want to shake her, "you're missing EVERYTHING! Don't you see Jesus is in YOUR home!? Listen to what He has to say because there is such peace in that room and woman you need that!"

Mary or Martha, Martha or Mary... it's been this ongoing battle between choosing who I want or need to be. We ALL do this. Pick one. That's who you are. Here are your strengths and live with your weaknesses. But what if it's not a question of whether you are Mary OR Martha? What if it's supposed to be a statement; Mary & Martha and we, the busy and creative women we are, are meant to dwell within the "&"? What if we can be a little of both?

I'm tired of just being one. As my girls get older I often look at other mom's for inspiration or advice and my mind categorizes them as a Mary or Martha but I don't want to do that! I want to live in the "&." I don't want to be told I can't do something, even if it's me telling myself I can't do it. I admire Martha and I want to be like her in a lot of ways and I know I can! I believe that story is in the Bible to remind us that we can find a balance.

No more wasting time, thoughts, or days dreaming to be something I want to be and hoping either my sister, who is very much a Martha, comes and lives with me or I somehow stumble on the means to outsource that part to another. No. Everywoman can be both. Every woman is created to know both.

I actually found a company a year ago that believes in this message called "Mary & Martha" I had never been in sales so I didn't pay much attention to it beyond loving their product. When my husband and I built our home we made sure to write scripture on the framing of the house. It's a heartwarming feeling to know that on the foundation lies truth and that you shared that moment together. However, I want to further that desire of having truth in my home. I was reminded a few days ago how seasons are refreshing because it brings change into our lives that we often need. One thing I love about God's word though is that it doesn't change and when my household experiences a loss, victory, a new dynamic or element, I love the idea of my family being able to turn their heads and see God's truth on the wall or on the table, in the cabinet or outside the door and know despite what is happening and changing in our lives, we can hold on to Him.

So I joined the movement. I'm living in the "&" and I'm doing it step by step and hopefully empowering other women and families to do so as well. It's not fun feeling like you have to be one or the other; being isolated from a certain type of lifestyle or community. No. We're in this together and as we grow, change and find balance in our lives we can be sure of one thing;

We are created to share life together. Despite all our differences and similarities we can connect and serve one another.

You're not alone. You can do it. You've got this and He's got you.

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I launch my company this September 24th with a get together and worship night, I also have a gathering on October 4th that's pumpkin themed so autumn treats for everyone! If you're in the area and want to join, let me know!

If you want to host a gathering, let me know!

If you would like to see the products here's the full 2015 Catalog: http://bit.ly/1L1wWlp

If you want to join the team, let me know!

Heart Problem

Yesterday Bren and I received word from Cora's cardiologist that there was no longer evidence of her heart condition, ASD or her pulmonary stenosis. While on the phone I flashed back to walking through the door of our home that October in 2013 and receiving a call that Cora had a hole in her heart and that they discovered it after dismissing us from the hospital. The weight of my body grew heavy each step I took as they told me to schedule an appointment with Texas Children's Hospital within the first two weeks.

I was devastated as a new mother that something could be wrong with my newborn's heart. Even though it wasn't immediately life-threatening, our innocent newborn daughter had a heart problem.

You see in reality, every single one of us are born with a heart problem. Some call it sin, others call it brokenness and God is devastated by it. However, just because we are imperfect and in need of fixing does not change His purpose for this world, purpose for us as individuals and His purpose for family.

The purpose of marriage, parenthood and family is to reflect God's character. Here within our arms, our children, neighbors and friends should be able to run to us for safety and strength; to experience God's unconditional love and learn how to share that love.

It's not about us. It's not about what family can do for us. From the beginning it's been about glorifying God. We have a responsibility to bind evil in His name. We also have the responsibility to be united and extend His hands and feet through which He can continue to physically touch the world in healing power and pass on the legacy and hope of Christ to the generations to come in an increasingly broken world.

Christ came through family. He could have descended from the sky or appeared from thin air as an adult, ready to roll. But God had a plan from birth to death. Christ came to emulate the very lives we're called to lead.

Selfless, generous, loving, righteous and forgiving lives.

Real wars happen on the battlefield, real trials happen in the courtroom and real struggles happen in the family. But God has designed family to unite against any force (from our own hearts or from outside sources) that are determined to destroy what He has made GOOD and HOLY.

So please, pray for me, and forgive me. Pray for my heart, for Bren's heart, that we apply God's word in our lives and move quickly towards God's reconciliation for this world in however way He's planned. Pray for our family as a whole, each of us, as we pray for you too. Pray for the legacy of our parents, of our children and work with us as we do what we need to do to unite against the force that is dividing us once and for all. It's worth it. You're worth it.

References:
"And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26

"But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God's righteous judgment will be revealed." Romans 2:5

"The aim of our charge is love that issues from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith." 1 Timothy 1:5

"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:32

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." James 5:16

"Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses." Proverbs 10:12

Toothpaste

WHY DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND!? Seriously, you walk through the door and I'm leaning over the sink with a spaghetti covered baby and it doesn't occur to you, "Hey Hun, let's get a sitter and let me take you out tonight."

Bren had already left for work that morning and I was grumpy. It was the dead of winter, I'm pregnant with our second child and was trying to work from home in between melt downs from #1 and a house begging to be straightened up. I set Cora up with her breakfast and waddled to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Everything felt so out of place and I felt stuck at home and overwhelmed. Being an ENFP that's that last thing you want to be; stuck and overwhelmed. I frowned in the mirror feeling larger than a pregnant woman should feel, gripped my toothpaste, started brushing and looked over to my husband's side of the sink. I saw his toothpaste was nicely pushed to the end, sitting on the side of his sink and suddenly something just snapped.

"WHY?!" I spit and loudly continued talking to my reflection, "How in the world is my ISTJ husband concerned about the shape of his toothpaste and yet clearly can't see we're in need of shaping up and rearranging ourselves?"

Let me first say, I love Brendon dearly and I adore our differences but when you're frustrated and tired, it becomes easy to see differences as nuances and I directed all of my anger at that toothpaste. I took the two tubes, placed them together and sarcastically said, "I now pronounce you man and wife." and walked out of the bathroom.

My husband and I are very different and on top of that we come from very different families. But God's intention, design and commitment for and in marriage does not rely and is not changed by irreconcilable differences.

Something needed to change that day. It wasn't our marriage, it was our hearts. I knew better and I wanted to be better. I sat on the bed for a long time when Cora was taking a nap contemplating my thoughts. With a deep breath I opened my heart and reminded myself that I loved that Brendon was different than me. He loves planning, enjoys budgeting and thrives in quality alone time. He gets energy within the stillness of a room and finds God there and I LOVE that and it's in many ways helped me to hear God there too when I'm with him. When we were first married he would come home from work give me a kiss, and tuck away for a few minutes to unwind and it didn't bother me because usually I was working on a craft or finishing work myself. However, once our first child came into our lives and she didn't care if we were extro- or introverted  it became easy to misconstrue that part of him. So I asked God what my next step was and I remembered what my parents told me as a part of their marriage advice for when I met this crossroad, "give HIM to God."

That changed everything. You see, it's not my responsibility or right to change or make Brendon more LIKE ME. I fell in love with the man he is and it was my job to honor and respect that man. It is GOD'S JOB to make him good in however way that may be.

When our differences clash or when we misunderstand each other our flesh wants to immediately say, "Yea, I want nothing to do with you right now" and if not nurtured by the unconditional love of God (seeking His truths and promises in your relationship), that cut can go pretty deep.

But Brendon and I understand that our marriage isn't about us. It's about establishing a reflection of God's love to His people. I remembered, sitting on the bed that morning, that my joy first came from my strength in God (Neh 8:10) and to be honest, it was lacking quite a bit those last few days. The shape of my husband's toothpaste didn't mean he had it all together and I needed to trust God and encourage who God made my husband to be; not his weaknesses but what I knew his strengths to be.

When he came home that night I gave him a kiss and told him to take a few minutes and look over his to do list in the study (he loves looking over that list). His eyes widened and he looked charmingly confused. That night while I was giving Cora a bath I heard dishes being loaded in the dishwasher. I smiled and looked at the two tubes of toothpaste standing together on the sink and whispered to myself, "I do."

When Fear Breaks Your Heart

When Fear Breaks Your Heart (Legacy Series Part 1)

- Keeping the Idol of Fear from the Wholeness You're Created to Have -

I was told recently that you should go into every conflict seeking healing. It paints a pretty simple picture if you think about it; confront conflict desiring reconciliation. We see this commonly occur between two people. But what if the conflict is between us and our own hearts?

Ten years ago I was about to be sixteen and I was wanting love. I wanted the romance, the talk of adventure, the dreams of a family and I wanted to share those ideals with someone who wanted them equally. So I began to piece together my life allowing my desires to influence my behavior. People and opportunities began coming into my path and what I didn't realize then was, I didn't have to say yes and try to make it work to any and all that was within arms reach. It wasn't long before things began to not go the way I had envisioned and I quickly became frustrated, and when they continued not to go my way, I became afraid.

What if I'm never going to get married? What if God doesn't hear me? What if I'm wrong in pursuing the things I'm passionate about? The frustration and the pain I was allowing to be inflicted within my heart influenced me for the worse and created a conflict I was bound to confront if I ever wanted to be whole again.

What was worse was the pain and fear I had in my heart became and idol and replaced the love I knew God had for me. I began second guessing what God said about me, even though I knew better. My heart broke from failed relationships, my heart broke from not being in any relationships. My heart broke from failed attempts at being a better person, my heart broke from trying to just be indifferent and throw in the towel. Finally, I got fed up with all of it.

Instead of trying to push and arrange things in my life, I took a moment to think, to cogitate all the current and relevant pieces. What was robbing me of the quality and happiness I wanted in my life?

My own heart.

So I decided to actively participate in mending the relationship I had with my heart and if you know anything about healing a wound, you know it takes more than a bandaid to fix it. I had an open wound and in order to keep it from infecting, I had to pour on the good stuff; God's promises.

So many of us are concerned and led with our feelings in the matter but let me tell you, when that disinfectant first touches the skin you feel a whole lot of things. But if there is one thing I've learned, especially as a woman, it's that feelings are fickle and change quite frequently and they should never, ever, be the determining factor in who you decide to be.

So here comes this refreshing sting in my life; the truth and promises God's made to me. Promises such as, "God will keep me in perfect peace if my mind is ‘stayed’ on Him," (Isaiah 26:3) "Nothing will separate me from the love of Christ,"  (Romans 8:35) "God has given me a spirit of power, love, and self-discipline,"  (2 Timothy 1:7) and "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11). My heart didn't immediately stop bleeding, but I began to speak these verses into my life and negotiated with myself on what I needed to do to keep applying pressure to the wound. I surrounded myself with community and constantly gave God control by serving others where I was at and speaking positively into my days. I knew my joy wasn't dependent on my feelings but rather my strength in Him (Neh. 8:10) so I advocated the foundation of my identity solely on my relationship with God and in doing so began a permanent process to heal my heart and the conflict keeping me from enjoying my life.

That's not to say life is in any way easy, and my heart does continue to break from time to time but in no way will the pain it once caused me that time ago ever take the place of the unconditional love I know God has for us all.