The Art of Forgiving

Ah, forgive and forget. A saying that continues to stand the test of time. Probably because we human beings continue to struggle with it in every aspect of our lives.

Either we forgive easily but have trouble forgetting, or we forget and down the road when the opportunity arises and an incident is remembered, we hesitate to forgive. Or we struggle with both and make it on a few people's "Those we do not speak of" lists. It's amazing how with billions of people in the world there to encourage you to carry on with your life, ONE person can really tip you over edge and turn you into the type of character you and others despise.

I try to love everyone. I try not to judge quickly and I'd like to believe with the help of a supernatural unconditional love I do a pretty good job at staying even keeled. However, it doesn't always work that way. There are those nights where I'll be doing laundry or the dishes and all of a sudden, it triggers. A memory of how I was wronged or I wronged another. I remind myself over and over again that the incident has been forgiven and that it's time to move on but my body is begging me to become angry and guilty and to stay that way. I literally feel my spirit yelling at my mind, "Nooooooooo!!!!" Slow motion and all.

It happens, we fall. So the question is, how do we get out of this situation? How do we master the art of forgiving and forgetting? I'm going to just take a shot with this. It's not the perfect answer, but it definitely helps me.

Perspective. Love. Jesus.

Nice and simple, huh? Wrong-O. Those three things are tough to recall in the heat of the battle. But let's take it from the top, starting with perspective.

Perspective.

When you're feeling low or angry, take a moment to look around you. Are you alone? Is it night time? Are you over-tired? Have you had a tough day? Are you able to understand that we live in a fallen world and therefore our bodies are not only decaying physically but trying desperately to decay mentally and emotionally as well? A lot of the time, anger and guilt can be controlled if you admit the circumstances surrounding you are having an outside impact on the way you're feeling inside. This is where the term "sleep it off" comes in handy. Now, I don't think you should go to bed angry (Eph. 4:26) but admitting that you've had a rough day and that you are struggling with anger or guilt can relieve that pressure and allow God to speak to you as you take a chill pill.

Love.

This is a little tougher to swallow. Loving or feeling loved in a situation where you're guilty or angry can be difficult to achieve. However, if you've gained some perspective you're well on your way to understanding this next step. When you've become aware you're struggling with forgiveness or guilt you become open to the necessity of love; the dependency of something greater than what you have. It's like the milk to your cookies, the cheese to your macaroni, the water to your fire. But self love and love from a family member or friend isn't enough. Let's be real, it was conditional love that got you here in the first place. What you need is unconditional love. A love that goes beyond the feelings and "oh mm gee's" of life and stands firm in the midst of the storm raging inside of you. That my friend can only be given through a dependency on Jesus Christ.

Jesus.

The greatest, most fulfilling DIY project you will ever take part in. This is where, after you've gained perspective and realized your need of love that you put into motion the most important step in the art of forgiving. Jesus Christ. I say DIY because your relationship with Him is something only you can enable. Praying, devotion, worship, fellowship, and lifestyle are all pieces to the relationship we are held accountable in. The more we actively seek Him in every aspect of our lives, the better understanding we have of the love He has to offer. You see, Jesus mastered the art of forgiving by choosing to forget for the sake of love. He came to Earth, took our sin, died for us, and rose again so that we may be forgiven and being forgiven means choosing to let go of the acknowledgment that we've failed. God doesn't just forget, He's all knowing, but he chooses to and this is how conditional love becomes unconditional.

The only way we can master the art of forgiving is understanding that we can't master it by ourselves. Ever. Our dependency on Jesus gives us a love we can share with others and convicts us to gain perspective when we're having those tough days. Those days where we just feel short from the finish line.

Psalm 62:1-2
"I find rest in God; only he can save me. He is my rock and my salvation. He is my defender; I will not be defeated."