What's in a name?

Ten years ago we had our first show as Beyond the Veil. The night before our show my sister Miriah and I picked out our matching outfits and sat in the living room practicing our songs. We hadn't written anything of our own, instead we purchased some karaoke tracks and harmonized with it. We were going to be stars. I had a dream and I had a vision on how things would play out in accomplishing that dream.

Flash forward ten years later and I can tell you with full confidence that my dream has come true, but it's not the same dream I had ten years ago.

It's amazing what time and the motions of life will do to your heart. Averaging 60-70 shows a year we found ourselves everywhere. There were shows where we played for the guy behind the counter, and there were shows we played where the crowd looked like waves in the sea. There were shows where we were blessed abundantly financially and there were shows where we walked away with nothing. And through every show, in every moment, my heart was taking something in; my story was important.

I came to Christ at a young age and throughout my adolescence I wrestled with how much I should allow Jesus in my story or in my music. I didn't want to be pushed away, I wanted to be heard. Being young in the industry I would often go back and forth between the opinions of others such as, "you need to be rockier," "you need to change your hair," "you need to live in a bigger city," "you need to have different managers other than your parents," and last but not least, "you need to change your name."

It seemed like everyone had the answer to how I could quickly get to the top and maybe all of the commotion helped me retreat back to the small town I lived in and continue on the way I felt led to go; with my family. It wasn't long before Sierra, our youngest sister, joined the group and we quickly became known for our harmonies. We were then blessed with an RV (aka Band Bus) and spent our high school/college weekends traveling from town to town. No matter the exposure, no matter the financial return, one thing was always made clear to us as a family; our story was important.

In 2011 I was married to the man of my dreams. The following year, my sister Miriah married the man of her dreams, who happened to be my dream man's roommate. Then later in 2012, Sierra headed off to college. We were all in different cities and spread out in 3 different states. Every now and then I took my piano and sang at a few open mic nights in the new state I was so unfamiliar with and every moment my heart yearned, not for the band we once were but rather the family we once were.

What happened? Why did we all have to be separated? People quickly began assuming Beyond the Veil would soon be disbanded, until late 2012 we released our album Spoken. We weren't able to tour as much as we wanted with it but I made the message clear within each song sung; our story was important.

In 2014, after I gave birth to my daughter Cora, we all gathered together to celebrate her 1st birthday and realized Beyond the Veil was not the same band anymore. We were not the same people anymore and I guess that's what happens with most bands. You realize the roads you've been traveling together weren't meant to be the same roads forever and we concluded that it was time for a change; we needed our story to reflect where we were in life now, which are different roads. And although we're on different paths, singing different notes, we're still singing the same song.

Our story is important because His story made our love for each other as a family and our music WORTH pursuing. And that's something we ALWAYS want to spread to others on and off the stage. Our dream is ultimately to share the love and peace of Jesus to those around us whether we are together or apart and to do that we needed a name that promised that to our fans and friends; Harmony Roads.

Thank you Beyond the Veil for teaching me that life is so much more than the voice I have to give; that it's so much more than who I am but rather who Jesus is and the importance of surrounding yourself with people who love and encourage you to be the best and most helpful person you can be for the good of the world.

What I deserve...

Yea... she definitely doesn't deserve to be happy.

You've said it. I've said it. Somehow, we get to a point in our lives where we feel we have the right to determine the blessings or curses that fall into the laps of others. What in our right minds enable us to think someone (including ourselves) does or doesn't deserve something? Pride, jealousy, envy, bitterness, more yucky fickle feelings... and it's so unfortunate that we can go through those thoughts after working hard to be "the better man." But it happens.

This past weekend I was painting our house with my husband and somehow we got onto a conversation that ran similar to me saying, "Ah, he treated you badly? You definitely didn't deserve that." My husband, carefully edging one of the doors quickly responded, "I deserve death."

At first, I looked at him like he was crazy, hoping to meet a crooked smile in the corner of his mouth but he kept edging carefully; his eyes set on his work. I stood on my small step stool quietly and thought about what he said. I thought about those times I hit the nail on the head in my life and felt complete and good and then I thought about the times when I miss that mark completely, make a fool of myself and bring others down with me. But death? Do I deserve death? Yes. Let's take it a little deeper.

Now, you may say, "death? Come on Brit, that's a little harsh." But we are already living that punishment.  Romans 6:23 states, "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." We are already ruined. Every one of us. We are walking definitions of death. Day by day by day by day our bodies continue to destroy themselves, our hearts continue to betray our minds and our spirits abandon us if not anchored in the everlasting love God gifted us; freedom. The ability to set ourselves free from guilt, shame, bitterness, anger, and deceit through our belief in Christ.

So when I think about my husbands response I realize he wasn't wanting a death wish. He was simply saying, everything I am is because of Christ and without Him, I'm ruined.

Tonight I scrolled down my newsfeed on Facebook and peered into the small glimpses of the lives of my social friends and instead of sitting in the judges seat, that can be oh so easily sat in, I sat on my clean laundry-in need of folding filled floor and watched God bring beauty from ashes and turn rubble into royalty. Because who am I to say what other's deserve? Who are you to say what I deserve? Go live your life free from jealousy, judgement and comparison.

Because I'll go ahead, save you the time, and say what I deserve. Death.

Go out with a Thump!

I was frozen. Suddenly everything I knew... everything I was, felt like it just disappeared. Everything in my mind went absent and I felt the blood rush to my head. It was like missing the winning shot of a championship, or not getting your final finished in time. It didn't matter how much I prepared, it just didn't happen.

You've probably heard the saying, "Go out with a Bang!" But what happens when you don't go out with a bang? What happens if it's more like a thump?

I've been professionally singing for 12 years and counting and I have learned some MAJOR lessons along the way. This past Easter I decided to take my little girl (6 months) on a business trip and help a church out in Maryland with their community service week and worship services. At one point of the trip I was wearing 3 shirts of different positions of the church layered on top of each other. I was ready to be all that I could be, despite whatever fatigue I may have been feeling. Easter rolled around and the end of the third service was approaching. The pastor was closing out and introduced a song I had written at the beginning of my ministry that spoke about our lives in Jesus and the sacrifice He made so we could go beyond the dissatisfaction and distortion of the world and rest in His grace and mercy. It's a beautiful song and I'm sure they would have loved it lol ......but as the introduction played I forgot every single line but the first. I shook my head and said, "Sorry, I can't do this."

THUMP.

The pastor understandably came back on stage and dismissed the congregation and I sat for a few minutes trying to remember my name. Shortly after that came back I got up and walked down the hall to pick up my little girl from the child care. She greeted me with smiles and baby kisses, knowing nothing of the confused failure I was feeling inside. After a few hugs and best wishes, I packed up my car and headed home with one question on my mind; Why?

You see, sometimes we learn lessons we didn't think we needed to learn. I was driving and felt the sting of my pride being bruised and suddenly realized I needed more checking up than I thought I did. I drove in silence and just allowed God to speak to me. And in a still, soft voice I heard Him say, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). I remembered, what I do, isn't about me. Me; as a daughter, a friend, a wife and a mother, none of it is about me. Nothing that I do as Brittany White is for my own glory, everything that I do, failure or success, is for God.

I was relieved and comforted by His words. I was comforted in the fact that people saw a human on stage that day, willing to give her best and her all to glorify God and even in her weakness, He was still Risen and His presence was still there. The irony of it happening on Easter was just the humor of God. A friend of mine called it, a "Godwink" which is simply an experience where you'd say, "Wow, what are the odds of that!"

Did I want to quit and run the other direction? In that initial moment of weakness, suuuure. But when you realize that as long as the willingness is there, and that God accepts all that you have to give (2 Cor. 8:12), you understand that He accepts even our failures too and He expects us to pick ourselves back up and keep serving Him in the ways we're called to; in our professions, in our homes, and in our hearts.

So if you've had a bad day, if you're failing a grade, or if you just so happened to forget every single line of a song you wrote, let it go. Because it's not about you and as long as you're trying your best and working as hard as you can in your calling, God's grace will be sufficient and what you have to give will be enough... even if it's just a THUMP!

Melissa, Alisha, & Me

(dedicated to children with special needs)

She wasn't a popular girl by any means. There was something special about her. When she would do her school work there was an adult that helped her. I don't remember her having a lot of friends. I do remember her always being happy.

I was in the 3rd or 4th grade and she gave me an invitation to her birthday party. Melissa had invited numerous people to her birthday party but I remember hearing that not many of my friends were planning to go. I took the invitation home and showed my mom and asked her if I should go. Mom told me Melissa would be grateful and encouraged. I remember nodding with a sinking feeling in my stomach. Was I embarrassed? No. Was I ignorant? Yes.

We walked up to her house and I rang the doorbell. I'm pretty sure my Mom and I had gotten her something Lisa Frank. Her mom answered the door with a smile and let us in. Melissa came over quickly to greet us and I gave her my gift. In return she gave me a hat and invited me to her tea party. There at the table was another friend or two. I wanted to feel sorry for her, but she was so happy... she gave me nothing to feel sorry about.

Her mom had made tiny finger sandwiches and we had an absolute blast. I remember my imagination running wild in the colors and party trinkets. The feeling I had received that day is the reason I stand for babies and children with special needs being carried to full term and assisted through childhood today.

The next year I was transferred to a charter school. Making friends has never really been a problem for me as I usually don't have trouble asserting who I am to others (loud, ADHD, outgoing, wild, the usual). Every day at lunch I watched a young girl being pushed around in a wheel chair around the playground. I decided it was time I went to talk to her. She communicated clearly, she struggled with expression and control over her motor skills but that didn't bother me because she had the same happiness Melissa had. Her name was Alisha and she was my friend. Every day at lunch I would swing and talk to her, sometimes play the "Titanic" song on my recorder for her and set up scenarios for us to be adventurers. It was such a relief to be able to be myself and to bask in the joy Alisha had.

Today, every week I try to dedicate my Monday to head downtown and volunteer at a pregnancy help center. Sometimes my encouragement and counsel is focused around children with special needs. I've learned not to be afraid of the unknown but to trust and pursue Christ and in turn He will light the path of which we fear to walk. The joy that Melissa and Alisha brought to my life has yet to be replicated. It was special and they deserved every bit of attention they needed because of it.

I recently heard a saying, "Love doesn't count chromosomes." As a child I didn't see brokenness in Melissa or Alisha. I saw something different. They were different then who I was and I wanted whatever they had to offer to help make me a better person. The love they had to give for one person was the same love they could give to 20 people. It was truly unconditional. It was real.

This world could use more authentic, unconditional love.

Junk Food

I had eaten way too many snacks. I was filled up on sweets and food that should not have been in my body. Mom was going to kill me, I just knew it. Dinner time came around and I felt awful. I felt full and lethargic from the abnormal amounts of sugar and carbs. Set before me was a healthy, savory, and satisfying dinner and I couldn't take one bite. Nothing about the way I felt, felt satisfying.

We've been moving in a #fitfam trend, where many of my family and friends have been posting and sharing photos and words of physical fitness, encouraging healthy eating and activity. But let's talk about eating healthy spiritually. Someone recently asked me if God's grace was enough and, although my initial reaction was to look shocked, shake my head and say "Duh, of course," I took a minute to answer.

I thought back to the times when I questioned God myself and remembered the main reason I was questioning Him was because I wasn't eating the right stuff spiritually. I hung around a lot of negativity and made poor choices that filled me up insufficiently. Discouragement, doubt, fear. I allowed myself to swallow self-pity because a certain day or plan didn't go my way and slowly but surely, I was too full to feel the satisfaction and health of God's grace. And the worst part about it was, I was in no shape to help anyone. I was out of shape spiritually.

God's grace is always enough, but you're not going to fully know that unless you're making an effort to live a healthy lifestyle, both physically and spiritually.

1 Timothy 4:8 states, "For physical training is of some value (useful for a little), but godliness (spiritual training) is useful and of value in everything and in every way, for it holds promise for the present life and also for the life which is to come." (AMP)

When you stop eating junk food, stop filling yourself up on the things that aren't going to benefit you or anyone else you will begin to make an impact in your life and the lives of others. You will clearly see, and be filled with the Spirit that produces love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Gal 5:22-23,25). You will be in step with God's purpose for your life and rest in it with satisfaction. PAY ATTENTION to what you're eating; what and who you're allowing into your life. Stay focused so when the day comes when someone asks you if God's grace is truly enough, you'll be able to have them over for dinner.

Star light, Star bright

I live on the outskirts of Houston, so seeing the night sky isn't as pretty as it used to be when I lived on a little island in the middle of the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland. However, every night when I go upstairs I glance up at the reasonably sized window we have placed in the wall of our stairway and I see a star.

Just one.

And no matter the day I have, I feel like it shines for me, reminding me that no matter how busy and artificial the world gets around me, it's still possible to shine an authentic and intentional light. Now, does everyone see that star? Who knows, but the answer doesn't matter because I see it and so it's done its job.

In your life, there are going to be polluted and artificial relationships and occurrences. You're not going to want to shine. You're going to want to hide, burn out, and everything in you is going to try to tell you it's not worth it. Don't listen to confusion, hatred and jealousy. Keep shining. Be intentional and authentic towards others. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Find your Joy and hold on to it tight. Swallow the promise of unconditional Love and Peace and allow yourself to glow from within. It doesn't matter if everyone sees you. You're going to go places where everyone can find you and you're going to find yourself in places where it's harder to see the light you have to offer but keep shining. Don't give up.

Because even if one person sees you, you've made a difference.

Photo by: Thierry Cohen 

Be Silent ... Be Still

I remember watching the movie, She's All That (1999) starring Freddie Prinze Jr. and Rachael Leigh Cook and being completely freaked out, uncomfortable, and confused at the part of the film where the "artsy folk" pranced around a cafe stage acting like lunatics for the sake of art.

Drama... running around... screaming... chaotic images displaying in the background... and then Rachael Leigh Cook makes her entrance covering them in a white sheet and repeatedly says, "be silent, be still." Albeit the whole scene is ridiculous and funny, she makes a point.

There are moments in our lives where we feel the world spinning around us. We can't catch our breath and we don't believe we're able to find a single soul out there who understands what we're going through. Frustrating.

So what do we do when we reach these points?

God calls us to be silent and be still. Exodus 14:14 states, "The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." Others versions translate calm as keeping your peace or being silent. Now the first part of this verse is very important stating, "The Lord himself will fight for you." We live in a world where we find it difficult to rely on anyone but ourselves and when something goes wrong we feel the need to fix it; one hundred percent of it. But sometimes, there are incidents that are out of our control.

I recently spoke with two friends that were having difficulties with their relationships. I could just see them standing in the middle of the room with their worlds running spastically around them. They asked two defining questions; "What do you do when you want out [of the relationship]?" and, "How do I go on from here?"Now, I've had a decent share of failed relationships, not just romantically, friendships too so having been hurt (maybe not to the extreme as my friends). I can tell you it is freeing when you allow Jesus to speak/fight for you.

So how do we get to that freedom? When we feel betrayed, alone, and purposeless, where do we go?

We first close our mouths, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth (suddenly I'm having flashbacks of my 3rd grade P.E. teacher telling me how to run around the field). Seriously though, ShHhHush. If you do this, you're keeping yourself from not only hurting others but yourself as well. The Bible says, "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Luke 6:45). When things are initially going crazy, try not to talk. Trust me.

Second, this isn't a stop, drop, and roll deal. This is a stop, shush, and stay calm deal. So by now you've said to yourself over and over not to say anything. What next? Don't DO anything that will hurt yourself or others. Stay calm. People do this in a variety of ways. For me personally I enjoy sitting at the piano and letting the keys speak for me. Others bake, some organize and my husband, he chops wood or changes the water in the fish tank. If you have no idea what to do, take a nap.

Being silent and calm will allow God to speak to you. What will God say? He usually gives you peace above anything else. Then He will give you patience and perseverance to continue enduring that day in-between because when it rains, it pours. And when the rain finally stops and the sun comes out, you'll smile knowing you can start fresh on a new day knowing nothing was said or done that would hurt you in the days ahead, keeping you from the good days God has for you.

The Art of Forgiving

Ah, forgive and forget. A saying that continues to stand the test of time. Probably because we human beings continue to struggle with it in every aspect of our lives.

Either we forgive easily but have trouble forgetting, or we forget and down the road when the opportunity arises and an incident is remembered, we hesitate to forgive. Or we struggle with both and make it on a few people's "Those we do not speak of" lists. It's amazing how with billions of people in the world there to encourage you to carry on with your life, ONE person can really tip you over edge and turn you into the type of character you and others despise.

I try to love everyone. I try not to judge quickly and I'd like to believe with the help of a supernatural unconditional love I do a pretty good job at staying even keeled. However, it doesn't always work that way. There are those nights where I'll be doing laundry or the dishes and all of a sudden, it triggers. A memory of how I was wronged or I wronged another. I remind myself over and over again that the incident has been forgiven and that it's time to move on but my body is begging me to become angry and guilty and to stay that way. I literally feel my spirit yelling at my mind, "Nooooooooo!!!!" Slow motion and all.

It happens, we fall. So the question is, how do we get out of this situation? How do we master the art of forgiving and forgetting? I'm going to just take a shot with this. It's not the perfect answer, but it definitely helps me.

Perspective. Love. Jesus.

Nice and simple, huh? Wrong-O. Those three things are tough to recall in the heat of the battle. But let's take it from the top, starting with perspective.

Perspective.

When you're feeling low or angry, take a moment to look around you. Are you alone? Is it night time? Are you over-tired? Have you had a tough day? Are you able to understand that we live in a fallen world and therefore our bodies are not only decaying physically but trying desperately to decay mentally and emotionally as well? A lot of the time, anger and guilt can be controlled if you admit the circumstances surrounding you are having an outside impact on the way you're feeling inside. This is where the term "sleep it off" comes in handy. Now, I don't think you should go to bed angry (Eph. 4:26) but admitting that you've had a rough day and that you are struggling with anger or guilt can relieve that pressure and allow God to speak to you as you take a chill pill.

Love.

This is a little tougher to swallow. Loving or feeling loved in a situation where you're guilty or angry can be difficult to achieve. However, if you've gained some perspective you're well on your way to understanding this next step. When you've become aware you're struggling with forgiveness or guilt you become open to the necessity of love; the dependency of something greater than what you have. It's like the milk to your cookies, the cheese to your macaroni, the water to your fire. But self love and love from a family member or friend isn't enough. Let's be real, it was conditional love that got you here in the first place. What you need is unconditional love. A love that goes beyond the feelings and "oh mm gee's" of life and stands firm in the midst of the storm raging inside of you. That my friend can only be given through a dependency on Jesus Christ.

Jesus.

The greatest, most fulfilling DIY project you will ever take part in. This is where, after you've gained perspective and realized your need of love that you put into motion the most important step in the art of forgiving. Jesus Christ. I say DIY because your relationship with Him is something only you can enable. Praying, devotion, worship, fellowship, and lifestyle are all pieces to the relationship we are held accountable in. The more we actively seek Him in every aspect of our lives, the better understanding we have of the love He has to offer. You see, Jesus mastered the art of forgiving by choosing to forget for the sake of love. He came to Earth, took our sin, died for us, and rose again so that we may be forgiven and being forgiven means choosing to let go of the acknowledgment that we've failed. God doesn't just forget, He's all knowing, but he chooses to and this is how conditional love becomes unconditional.

The only way we can master the art of forgiving is understanding that we can't master it by ourselves. Ever. Our dependency on Jesus gives us a love we can share with others and convicts us to gain perspective when we're having those tough days. Those days where we just feel short from the finish line.

Psalm 62:1-2
"I find rest in God; only he can save me. He is my rock and my salvation. He is my defender; I will not be defeated."

National Right to Life Day 2014

It was January 22nd 2014. I woke up and knew I had to head downtown but every bone in my body screamed to stay in bed. I had stayed up late working on a few graphic design projects and my eyes just couldn't bear the rays of sun peaking through the blinds. Cora started crying so I got up, fed and changed her and sat on the bed trying to decide whether or not to go downtown for the day. I decided to go. The drive seemed long and my mind and my heart seemed to be in a horrible disagreement with one another regarding how awake and attentive I truly was. And then I met her.

She was afraid. Although it was a beautiful sunny day she didn't see the sun. She couldn't feel anything. She had just found out she was pregnant. 

"I just celebrated my birthday with my 22 year old daughter," she said as she smiled at the fresh memory of spending time with her daughter. "I'm 41 years old...I can't do this again." She took a deep breath and looked down. She felt trapped.

I stood there in awe. I couldn't imagine having a child at that age now knowing the amount of work that goes into raising a child. I stood there in silence for a moment looking at the face of my little one.

"Do you know why we have children?" I asked her not fully knowing where the conversation would end. She was silent. I continued, "My father was the youngest of ten. His mother had him at an older age than you are now and had she terminated her pregnancy, I wouldn't be here with you now." She started to cry. I scooted closer to her. "I'm not here to make you feel guilty for thinking the thoughts you are or feeling the way you do. I'm here to remind you what children do for this world. Because my grandmother chose to have my father she not only passed on her sweet and strong nature, she also passed on the hope of Jesus Christ. That's the only way this world can get better; passing down His promises, love, and hope." She grabbed my hand.

I continued. "I know you're afraid but God is going make good out of this situation by renewing your strength and bringing into your life someone who will one day look into the eyes of someone unsure and remind them of the stability of God's love."

And like that, it was as if her crashing world finally came to a halt. I saw her look into the sun. She then turned to me, thanked me, gave me a hug and walked away.

She was at peace.

Romans 8:28
We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him. They are the people he called, because that was his plan.