Go out with a Thump!

I was frozen. Suddenly everything I knew... everything I was, felt like it just disappeared. Everything in my mind went absent and I felt the blood rush to my head. It was like missing the winning shot of a championship, or not getting your final finished in time. It didn't matter how much I prepared, it just didn't happen.

You've probably heard the saying, "Go out with a Bang!" But what happens when you don't go out with a bang? What happens if it's more like a thump?

I've been professionally singing for 12 years and counting and I have learned some MAJOR lessons along the way. This past Easter I decided to take my little girl (6 months) on a business trip and help a church out in Maryland with their community service week and worship services. At one point of the trip I was wearing 3 shirts of different positions of the church layered on top of each other. I was ready to be all that I could be, despite whatever fatigue I may have been feeling. Easter rolled around and the end of the third service was approaching. The pastor was closing out and introduced a song I had written at the beginning of my ministry that spoke about our lives in Jesus and the sacrifice He made so we could go beyond the dissatisfaction and distortion of the world and rest in His grace and mercy. It's a beautiful song and I'm sure they would have loved it lol ......but as the introduction played I forgot every single line but the first. I shook my head and said, "Sorry, I can't do this."

THUMP.

The pastor understandably came back on stage and dismissed the congregation and I sat for a few minutes trying to remember my name. Shortly after that came back I got up and walked down the hall to pick up my little girl from the child care. She greeted me with smiles and baby kisses, knowing nothing of the confused failure I was feeling inside. After a few hugs and best wishes, I packed up my car and headed home with one question on my mind; Why?

You see, sometimes we learn lessons we didn't think we needed to learn. I was driving and felt the sting of my pride being bruised and suddenly realized I needed more checking up than I thought I did. I drove in silence and just allowed God to speak to me. And in a still, soft voice I heard Him say, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:9). I remembered, what I do, isn't about me. Me; as a daughter, a friend, a wife and a mother, none of it is about me. Nothing that I do as Brittany White is for my own glory, everything that I do, failure or success, is for God.

I was relieved and comforted by His words. I was comforted in the fact that people saw a human on stage that day, willing to give her best and her all to glorify God and even in her weakness, He was still Risen and His presence was still there. The irony of it happening on Easter was just the humor of God. A friend of mine called it, a "Godwink" which is simply an experience where you'd say, "Wow, what are the odds of that!"

Did I want to quit and run the other direction? In that initial moment of weakness, suuuure. But when you realize that as long as the willingness is there, and that God accepts all that you have to give (2 Cor. 8:12), you understand that He accepts even our failures too and He expects us to pick ourselves back up and keep serving Him in the ways we're called to; in our professions, in our homes, and in our hearts.

So if you've had a bad day, if you're failing a grade, or if you just so happened to forget every single line of a song you wrote, let it go. Because it's not about you and as long as you're trying your best and working as hard as you can in your calling, God's grace will be sufficient and what you have to give will be enough... even if it's just a THUMP!