Pumpkins

Pumpkins {favor & potential}

Pumpkins... you're seeing a lot of them. We love them! Why do we love pumpkins so much? Is it their odd shape, color, or downright enchanting way about them?

What do you think of when you see a pumpkin? Do you see the 1950's magical vessel of dreams beckoning to carry you to your destiny of ever after? Or do you see an opportunity, a potential in either in art or a baked creation?

Can we see both? Of course we can! We're living in the "&"! Not one or the other!

In various parts of the world, pumpkins are seen as enchanting, prosperous, and abundant fruits, and the seeds of a pumpkin represent dreams. YOUR dreams! God knows we have a lot of them. You have one right now, in your heart. Here lies the question. Where is your pumpkin planted? Where is it displayed? Are your seeds planted in the right conditions to grow? Is your hope and faith where they need to be? 

Maybe not... maybe you've planted yourself in doubt and the potential you thought you had is feeling a little disheartened.

You. are. enough. Because God loves you so much you have the favor you need to take another step. His grace and mercy is waiting to sweep you off your feet and carry you to an ever after of eternal love. Plant yourself there. Find abundance in His promises and truth and the potential you've felt you have in your heart and dreams will reveal themselves in the fruit, I mean, pumpkins you bear.

The next time a pumpkin catches your eye, remember you can do this and He's wanting His abundance to flow through YOU.

Kaleidoscope

How can God use THIS?

Have you ever broken something and just stood there in shock that something once useful is now completely useless and unfixable!? Just moments ago it was perfect. Moments.

I wake up more often than not with that question pointing at myself. "God, how can you use THIS? ME!? I just see shattered pieces." The moment my eyes open and focus I find myself trying to sweep myself up or under the rug hoping that if I just cover enough of the cracks God will use me then; that I somehow made it better. Yesterday was better, why not just have used me then?

Today I fumbled over conversations, stumbled into dangerous territory. I forgot promises made and fell short of deadlines. I've yelled way too much, occasionally at strangers and I was so sensitive, the heat of the wrath that followed made global warming undeniable.

Don't you want to be my friend? lol I'm done. Broken. It's over. How can God use this?

I sat staring at the sun peaking through the blinds, watching time slowly shift the broken shadows. A beautiful kaleidoscope made its way through my living room, constantly changing the pattern of light. I began turning thoughts in my head...

Maybe we're not supposed to pretend to be a solid perfect piece. Maybe through our shattered and sharp edges a constant Light shines through us and reflects a picture greater than ourselves. Maybe instead of trying to cover the cracks, God moving us in our brokenness will be more beautiful and make more sense than ANYTHING we could put together.

By being willing to change, I'm transformed constantly by a perfect Light that shines through me creating a pattern, story and vision beyond what I could ever see myself creating.

God loves kaleidoscopes and no matter who you are or what you've done, He loves you and He longs to shine through you. Stop sweeping yourself under the rug. Stop hiding in the dark. Tomorrow is a new day. Be willing to point yourself to the Light.

Living in the "&"

Can I be honest with you? I'm sitting on five loads of laundry. I have 283492 thoughts racing through my mind, Cora is still in her pajamas and my bed is barely made.

Organization, focus --- words that always seem so far from me and everything I am. I long to be the woman busy in the kitchen with a game plan and a schedule but I'm not. I'm the one sitting in the living room watching people talk, curious about their movements and embracing the moment. I love it but at the end of the day, my heart is full but my head's in a dizzy.

How was Jesus pleased with this type of person? I look back on the story of sisters Mary & Martha and I'm stumped. I mean of course it's a wonderful thing to sit and listen to the message He had to bring but when I read it I kinda see a girl lacking in focus and skipping out on her duties. I relate to her. I'm yelling at her "Get up! Go help your sister! Feed Jesus and those people gathered in your home! Be a good host! Someone will take notes for you lol"

Then I see Martha, slaving away, so focused on the details of the gathering and I want to shake her, "you're missing EVERYTHING! Don't you see Jesus is in YOUR home!? Listen to what He has to say because there is such peace in that room and woman you need that!"

Mary or Martha, Martha or Mary... it's been this ongoing battle between choosing who I want or need to be. We ALL do this. Pick one. That's who you are. Here are your strengths and live with your weaknesses. But what if it's not a question of whether you are Mary OR Martha? What if it's supposed to be a statement; Mary & Martha and we, the busy and creative women we are, are meant to dwell within the "&"? What if we can be a little of both?

I'm tired of just being one. As my girls get older I often look at other mom's for inspiration or advice and my mind categorizes them as a Mary or Martha but I don't want to do that! I want to live in the "&." I don't want to be told I can't do something, even if it's me telling myself I can't do it. I admire Martha and I want to be like her in a lot of ways and I know I can! I believe that story is in the Bible to remind us that we can find a balance.

No more wasting time, thoughts, or days dreaming to be something I want to be and hoping either my sister, who is very much a Martha, comes and lives with me or I somehow stumble on the means to outsource that part to another. No. Everywoman can be both. Every woman is created to know both.

I actually found a company a year ago that believes in this message called "Mary & Martha" I had never been in sales so I didn't pay much attention to it beyond loving their product. When my husband and I built our home we made sure to write scripture on the framing of the house. It's a heartwarming feeling to know that on the foundation lies truth and that you shared that moment together. However, I want to further that desire of having truth in my home. I was reminded a few days ago how seasons are refreshing because it brings change into our lives that we often need. One thing I love about God's word though is that it doesn't change and when my household experiences a loss, victory, a new dynamic or element, I love the idea of my family being able to turn their heads and see God's truth on the wall or on the table, in the cabinet or outside the door and know despite what is happening and changing in our lives, we can hold on to Him.

So I joined the movement. I'm living in the "&" and I'm doing it step by step and hopefully empowering other women and families to do so as well. It's not fun feeling like you have to be one or the other; being isolated from a certain type of lifestyle or community. No. We're in this together and as we grow, change and find balance in our lives we can be sure of one thing;

We are created to share life together. Despite all our differences and similarities we can connect and serve one another.

You're not alone. You can do it. You've got this and He's got you.

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I launch my company this September 24th with a get together and worship night, I also have a gathering on October 4th that's pumpkin themed so autumn treats for everyone! If you're in the area and want to join, let me know!

If you want to host a gathering, let me know!

If you would like to see the products here's the full 2015 Catalog: http://bit.ly/1L1wWlp

If you want to join the team, let me know!

Toothpaste

WHY DOESN'T HE UNDERSTAND!? Seriously, you walk through the door and I'm leaning over the sink with a spaghetti covered baby and it doesn't occur to you, "Hey Hun, let's get a sitter and let me take you out tonight."

Bren had already left for work that morning and I was grumpy. It was the dead of winter, I'm pregnant with our second child and was trying to work from home in between melt downs from #1 and a house begging to be straightened up. I set Cora up with her breakfast and waddled to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Everything felt so out of place and I felt stuck at home and overwhelmed. Being an ENFP that's that last thing you want to be; stuck and overwhelmed. I frowned in the mirror feeling larger than a pregnant woman should feel, gripped my toothpaste, started brushing and looked over to my husband's side of the sink. I saw his toothpaste was nicely pushed to the end, sitting on the side of his sink and suddenly something just snapped.

"WHY?!" I spit and loudly continued talking to my reflection, "How in the world is my ISTJ husband concerned about the shape of his toothpaste and yet clearly can't see we're in need of shaping up and rearranging ourselves?"

Let me first say, I love Brendon dearly and I adore our differences but when you're frustrated and tired, it becomes easy to see differences as nuances and I directed all of my anger at that toothpaste. I took the two tubes, placed them together and sarcastically said, "I now pronounce you man and wife." and walked out of the bathroom.

My husband and I are very different and on top of that we come from very different families. But God's intention, design and commitment for and in marriage does not rely and is not changed by irreconcilable differences.

Something needed to change that day. It wasn't our marriage, it was our hearts. I knew better and I wanted to be better. I sat on the bed for a long time when Cora was taking a nap contemplating my thoughts. With a deep breath I opened my heart and reminded myself that I loved that Brendon was different than me. He loves planning, enjoys budgeting and thrives in quality alone time. He gets energy within the stillness of a room and finds God there and I LOVE that and it's in many ways helped me to hear God there too when I'm with him. When we were first married he would come home from work give me a kiss, and tuck away for a few minutes to unwind and it didn't bother me because usually I was working on a craft or finishing work myself. However, once our first child came into our lives and she didn't care if we were extro- or introverted  it became easy to misconstrue that part of him. So I asked God what my next step was and I remembered what my parents told me as a part of their marriage advice for when I met this crossroad, "give HIM to God."

That changed everything. You see, it's not my responsibility or right to change or make Brendon more LIKE ME. I fell in love with the man he is and it was my job to honor and respect that man. It is GOD'S JOB to make him good in however way that may be.

When our differences clash or when we misunderstand each other our flesh wants to immediately say, "Yea, I want nothing to do with you right now" and if not nurtured by the unconditional love of God (seeking His truths and promises in your relationship), that cut can go pretty deep.

But Brendon and I understand that our marriage isn't about us. It's about establishing a reflection of God's love to His people. I remembered, sitting on the bed that morning, that my joy first came from my strength in God (Neh 8:10) and to be honest, it was lacking quite a bit those last few days. The shape of my husband's toothpaste didn't mean he had it all together and I needed to trust God and encourage who God made my husband to be; not his weaknesses but what I knew his strengths to be.

When he came home that night I gave him a kiss and told him to take a few minutes and look over his to do list in the study (he loves looking over that list). His eyes widened and he looked charmingly confused. That night while I was giving Cora a bath I heard dishes being loaded in the dishwasher. I smiled and looked at the two tubes of toothpaste standing together on the sink and whispered to myself, "I do."

Lights!? Are you rich?

My dad always puts on a good show of lights around the Christmas season. Growing up, every Thanksgiving he would have the display finished just in time to turn them on before we went to bed. Dad was known in the neighborhoods we lived in to be "THAT guy who always had lights." People knew and trusted he'd show up every year. At night I would watch from my window people walk or drive by to look at the nativity, the dancing colors, the candy cane walk way and the words, "Happy Birthday Jesus" written in lights.

The past two years I haven't been home to see my father put up his lights. But his display hasn't changed, even though all but one of us have left town. A week after this past Thanksgiving I was on the phone with my mom and my dad came in the room and I could hear him laughing. I smiled to myself and asked her what was so funny. He told my mom and my mom relayed to me that a small boy who recently moved into their neighborhood was watching my dad put up his lights from his house across the street. When my father plugged them in, the little boy ran over to him in awe and joy and blurted out, "WOW!!!... are you rich!?"

I joined in laughing with them and I could feel my heart was full. You see, when we see a light that's brighter than what we think we carry, our first reaction as humans is to ask, "what do they have that I don't?" Often times we answer that question by saying, "they must be rich," thinking money has bought a brighter life for them than what you have, but it is so much more complex. My dad has had those lights for years. He's a blue collar worker who's worked with his hands and on holidays for over 30 years. My mom also works full time. They aren't struggling, but they aren't "rich". None of us are. Don't get me wrong, we are all so blessed to have jobs that take care of us but working isn't what makes our lives bright. We work... and we give.

Giving... It is THAT season right? Well, my dad didn't have to put up lights. His girls aren't home anymore. He and my mom live in an entirely new neighborhood and know very few people. But they wanted to continue to give a physical light and a spiritual message to those around them. They wanted to be a constant reminder that they are a family that invests in their community and shines even when you're having your toughest days.

That night, the little boy across the street not only met my dad but he discovered a message; no matter how dark the world gets, as long as we have Jesus there will always be a light, somewhere. Sometimes it's right across the street. And the best part of that news is, you can have that light too. You don't have to be wealthy. You don't have to have a big huge light display. In fact those with very little sometimes shine the brightest because they are willing to give. Give their time, give their love, give their strength to strangers, friends, and family.

So as we come around the corner this Christmas season and you catch yourself asking why others shine brighter than you, remind yourself to instead ask, "how can I can shine with what I have in someone else's life?"

Little Pink Piano

It was Cyber Monday and I didn't come across a thing I wanted. I really didn't look to be honest. I guess I was just interested in sites that offered Free Shipping. But I didn't come across those either. Maybe it was because Cora had a cold and she was not having it all day? Ugh... goodbye Cyber Monday. I did however come across a little pink grand piano with 30 keys and just knew I had to get it for Cora. Not because I want her to be just like me. In fact, I've had about 10 lessons of piano before my teacher told my mom I wasn't teachable because I wouldn't follow the page and that I just kept playing what was in my head.

No, I don't want Cora to be like me, but I do want to her to see what I've seen in being musical. I want her to see how people are affected by music. How it can break and mend a heart. How it can make you forget the pain or remember the good times for five minutes. Generations, millions of people moved by music. Moved to do great things, become great people, simply by seeing a better version of themselves at the end of a melody.

I want her to hear what I've heard. Hundreds of men, women, and children and their stories on how my personal music showed them they're not alone. I want her to hear their stories of where they came from because PEOPLE, good and bad, are the inspiration in everything we do. What they have to say to us and to each other determines the key and progression of each song. And although the people we come to know may never know the melodies they lead, their songs will forever be heard in our lives and the steps we take.

I want her to know what I know. That it's okay to play alone and it's just as great to play for millions. Her worth and identity should never matter on how many people hear, see, or like her but rather what God has made her to be and if that's hitting one key at a time in an chromatic sequence or smashing at them equally in emotion and not making much sense, I want her to know every song, every step and every breath she takes has a purpose for something beyond herself and beyond her circumstances.
So Merry Christmas Cora. I can't wait to hear your song.

What's in a name?

Ten years ago we had our first show as Beyond the Veil. The night before our show my sister Miriah and I picked out our matching outfits and sat in the living room practicing our songs. We hadn't written anything of our own, instead we purchased some karaoke tracks and harmonized with it. We were going to be stars. I had a dream and I had a vision on how things would play out in accomplishing that dream.

Flash forward ten years later and I can tell you with full confidence that my dream has come true, but it's not the same dream I had ten years ago.

It's amazing what time and the motions of life will do to your heart. Averaging 60-70 shows a year we found ourselves everywhere. There were shows where we played for the guy behind the counter, and there were shows we played where the crowd looked like waves in the sea. There were shows where we were blessed abundantly financially and there were shows where we walked away with nothing. And through every show, in every moment, my heart was taking something in; my story was important.

I came to Christ at a young age and throughout my adolescence I wrestled with how much I should allow Jesus in my story or in my music. I didn't want to be pushed away, I wanted to be heard. Being young in the industry I would often go back and forth between the opinions of others such as, "you need to be rockier," "you need to change your hair," "you need to live in a bigger city," "you need to have different managers other than your parents," and last but not least, "you need to change your name."

It seemed like everyone had the answer to how I could quickly get to the top and maybe all of the commotion helped me retreat back to the small town I lived in and continue on the way I felt led to go; with my family. It wasn't long before Sierra, our youngest sister, joined the group and we quickly became known for our harmonies. We were then blessed with an RV (aka Band Bus) and spent our high school/college weekends traveling from town to town. No matter the exposure, no matter the financial return, one thing was always made clear to us as a family; our story was important.

In 2011 I was married to the man of my dreams. The following year, my sister Miriah married the man of her dreams, who happened to be my dream man's roommate. Then later in 2012, Sierra headed off to college. We were all in different cities and spread out in 3 different states. Every now and then I took my piano and sang at a few open mic nights in the new state I was so unfamiliar with and every moment my heart yearned, not for the band we once were but rather the family we once were.

What happened? Why did we all have to be separated? People quickly began assuming Beyond the Veil would soon be disbanded, until late 2012 we released our album Spoken. We weren't able to tour as much as we wanted with it but I made the message clear within each song sung; our story was important.

In 2014, after I gave birth to my daughter Cora, we all gathered together to celebrate her 1st birthday and realized Beyond the Veil was not the same band anymore. We were not the same people anymore and I guess that's what happens with most bands. You realize the roads you've been traveling together weren't meant to be the same roads forever and we concluded that it was time for a change; we needed our story to reflect where we were in life now, which are different roads. And although we're on different paths, singing different notes, we're still singing the same song.

Our story is important because His story made our love for each other as a family and our music WORTH pursuing. And that's something we ALWAYS want to spread to others on and off the stage. Our dream is ultimately to share the love and peace of Jesus to those around us whether we are together or apart and to do that we needed a name that promised that to our fans and friends; Harmony Roads.

Thank you Beyond the Veil for teaching me that life is so much more than the voice I have to give; that it's so much more than who I am but rather who Jesus is and the importance of surrounding yourself with people who love and encourage you to be the best and most helpful person you can be for the good of the world.

Messy

He's running. He's bookin' it. This guy will definitely outrun whatever's chasing him. He was made for this. Except... whoops, didn't see that hole in the ground there. Now he's got some thing wanting to eat him above and no where to go. We suddenly find ourselves disappointed, confused, and angry for this dude. He didn't deserve this!

Thus is life. Life is messy.

It's full of rich, deep, and insightful meaning... when you look back on it. Going through it is a whole different ball game. Life is finally being able to put your head on your pillow after getting four young kids to bed. It's walking down the aisle without your dad because he made the ultimate sacrifice defending your freedom. It's answering phone calls from your grandpa multiple times in the day knowing one day he won't remember your name or your face. It's waking up in the hospital not knowing how you got there. It's feeling guilt from a choice made that now involves an innocent life. It's flunking out of a hard class that you studied so diligently for. It's being told there is no cure. It's letting a friend down because you forgot, it's letting your spouse down because you forgot.

It's messy.

And yet, despite the turmoil we face in our lifetime, we're able to find laughter, hope, peace, forgiveness and love... even if it's just glimpses. We find it in ourselves to look in the mirror and say, "This life is worth living." It's nothing from within ourselves. I know for a fact I am not capable of freeing myself from the regret and pain that comes into my life although there are days I'd love to give myself credit.

Jesus makes my life worth living. He's promised me peace in trials (John 16:33), love when I turn against myself (1 Cor. 13) and hope through His sacrifice when I feel the world cannot be saved (John 3:16). And those gifts He's given lend me a much better perspective on life; they give me faith. And in that faith I find my strength to keep my eyes looking up and my feet moving forward; through it all.

So it's not so much a question of what's chasing you or how deep the hole you've fallen is. When life gets messy and you're surrounded, the question will be what kind of person will you be through it all?

Wisdom

When I was around 10 years old I remember my Dad tucking me into bed and asking me if I could have anything in the world what would it be. To be honest, I don't remember my response because I'm sure it was childish but I remember my Dad's. As he was pulling up the covers he told me of a time when God asked a man the same question. My dad told me, "He could have asked for anything this world had to offer, but he asked for wisdom (1 Kings 3)." I remember my Dad telling me that wisdom was the greatest gift a part from God's love that I could ever have because it could never be taken away. He told me it would help me hear God when the world became loud.

That night after he prayed with my sisters and I, I asked God for wisdom. Tonight when I go to bed, I'll ask for the same thing and thank Him for enabling me with it on a day to day basis. Because you see, wisdom is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere (James 3:17). It's everything you would want in order to live this life to the fullest.

So as the seasons approach and you begin your Christmas list, or even your child's, ask yourself, "Are we asking for the right things?"

Did you check on me?

I had just put Cora down for bed and was straightening up a little bit before hitting the sack myself. I picked up her tiny clothes and tossed them in the laundry room and peeked into her room to see her little body lying peacefully, the only movement was her chest and her pacifier. I smiled and suddenly remembered me and my sister asking my mom every single morning if she had come in to check on us while we slept the night before.

"Mom, did you check on me?" My mom would always answer yes and then we asked her how we looked. Occasionally she would throw in a funny comment but most of the time she would say we were peaceful. I was never let down by any of her answers. To be honest, I believe I only cared about the first half of the question.

"Did you check on me?" --- "Yes."

There's a reason why as a child I asked that question. Just knowing my parents were there was securing. Knowing that in my most vulnerable state, they were looking after me.

Sometimes, we ask God a similar question, "Were You there?" We can ask Him that every single day and the answer will be the same. "Yes." But we don't always believe it. We don't always sleep peacefully. We don't always feel His love surrounding us.

What keeps us from believing He is there? Maybe we don't feel like we're worth it. Maybe we've been abandoned before by the world. As a child, who I was and what I had done did not factor into the question I asked my mom every single morning. It didn't matter to me then like it does now. I just wanted to know if she saw me.

We need to go back to that. We need to remember that no matter the choices we've made that God is there. He is always there, and He loves you that much to be with you in your most vulnerable state, whether that be sleeping, doing errands as you hold animosity in your heart, or curled up in the corner of the room wondering why it had to be you.

He loves you. He sees you. And He begs you to ask every morning, "God, did you check on me?" Because He longs to answer in a soft and still voice, "Yes."

"The Lord himself will go before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forget you. Don’t be afraid and don’t worry.” Deuteronomy 31:8

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed." Psalm 34:18

My First Valentine

Dating was rough. I'm the eldest of three girls so when it came time for my age group to start dating, it did not go as well as I wanted for me. I remember being frustrated a lot of the time. Being the first to go through it all didn't help either. I wanted so bad to be like some of the other girls. But when you're young minded like that and figuring yourself out, there are bound to be days when you'd give anything to be someone else. Anyway, when Valentine's Day would roll around, the student committee would come to each room and drop off flowers purchased by people during lunch. I remember thinking how nice it would be to just have that attention and love that some of the girls were getting. To be desired on every level... (or so I thought).

High School.

My parents didn't want me dating until I was 18 (preferably 30). However, by the time I was 16, I convinced them that group dates were "for reals legit" and that I was safe and sound. I stayed safe and surrounded myself around a good group of people and I was smart enough not to put myself into any bad or regretful situations. But it didn't take long before I realized the void I had wasn't being filled by any guy that came across my path and when the flower was finally placed on my desk at school one year it wasn't nearly as satisfying as I had hoped.

When I got home, I gave my flower to my little sister who at the time was around 10 or 11 years old. I watched her smile and put it in a vase. I sat on my bed and did my homework for a few hours and then there was a knock on my bedroom door. I looked up and saw my dad standing in the doorway with a teddy bear and chocolates. I could feel my cheeks stretch from smiling so wide and I ran and gave him a big hug. I watched him give each of my sisters their gifts and then turn to my mom and give her flowers and a kiss. My heart was full, but not because of my dad, although, he never failed at being our valentine year after year until we were married. My heart was full because my dad (and mom) loved Jesus first. They loved Jesus so much that it spilled over into our lives and touched each one of us in a unique and personal way.

You see, Jesus' love, well His kind of love is more than a flower bought in a High School cafeteria. Song of Solomon 8:6 states, "... for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD." That was what I wanted; strength and passion, but not from a man. I wanted it forever; to be eternally mine.

I accepted Christ at a young age as my Father and friend but I didn't acknowledge Him as one that could hold my very being and comfort me in unconditional way as a lover would until that day when I saw my family operating in the love of Christ. It just clicked... probably because I was looking for and open to it.

Ephesians 3:17-19 states, "I pray that Christ will live in your hearts by faith and that your life will be strong in love and be built on love. And I pray that you and all God’s holy people will have the power to understand the greatness of Christ’s love—how wide and how long and how high and how deep that love is. Christ’s love is greater than anyone can ever know, but I pray that you will be able to know that love. Then you can be filled with the fullness of God."

So although it took me 16 years to realize Jesus had not only been the first but most fulfilling valentine I could ever have, once I knew in my heart that was true, I was filled with the fullness of God.

My journey wasn't (still isn't) perfect though. I was alone sometimes and I almost settled in a few relationships. That empty feeling would come and go but when it did, I just reminded myself that God had a plan and accepted the fact that I may never know the greatness of God's love for me. I stood on his principals and trusted the wisdom of others. I was vulnerable and allowed my heart to break and in turn God began to make whatever pain I went through beautiful to understand what it meant to be unconditional.

Flash forward to one sunrise in May, when a young man approached me and said hello... and suddenly I felt the presence of God surround me.

Happy Valentine's Day

Star light, Star bright

I live on the outskirts of Houston, so seeing the night sky isn't as pretty as it used to be when I lived on a little island in the middle of the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland. However, every night when I go upstairs I glance up at the reasonably sized window we have placed in the wall of our stairway and I see a star.

Just one.

And no matter the day I have, I feel like it shines for me, reminding me that no matter how busy and artificial the world gets around me, it's still possible to shine an authentic and intentional light. Now, does everyone see that star? Who knows, but the answer doesn't matter because I see it and so it's done its job.

In your life, there are going to be polluted and artificial relationships and occurrences. You're not going to want to shine. You're going to want to hide, burn out, and everything in you is going to try to tell you it's not worth it. Don't listen to confusion, hatred and jealousy. Keep shining. Be intentional and authentic towards others. Don't be afraid to be vulnerable. Find your Joy and hold on to it tight. Swallow the promise of unconditional Love and Peace and allow yourself to glow from within. It doesn't matter if everyone sees you. You're going to go places where everyone can find you and you're going to find yourself in places where it's harder to see the light you have to offer but keep shining. Don't give up.

Because even if one person sees you, you've made a difference.

Photo by: Thierry Cohen 

Be Silent ... Be Still

I remember watching the movie, She's All That (1999) starring Freddie Prinze Jr. and Rachael Leigh Cook and being completely freaked out, uncomfortable, and confused at the part of the film where the "artsy folk" pranced around a cafe stage acting like lunatics for the sake of art.

Drama... running around... screaming... chaotic images displaying in the background... and then Rachael Leigh Cook makes her entrance covering them in a white sheet and repeatedly says, "be silent, be still." Albeit the whole scene is ridiculous and funny, she makes a point.

There are moments in our lives where we feel the world spinning around us. We can't catch our breath and we don't believe we're able to find a single soul out there who understands what we're going through. Frustrating.

So what do we do when we reach these points?

God calls us to be silent and be still. Exodus 14:14 states, "The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm." Others versions translate calm as keeping your peace or being silent. Now the first part of this verse is very important stating, "The Lord himself will fight for you." We live in a world where we find it difficult to rely on anyone but ourselves and when something goes wrong we feel the need to fix it; one hundred percent of it. But sometimes, there are incidents that are out of our control.

I recently spoke with two friends that were having difficulties with their relationships. I could just see them standing in the middle of the room with their worlds running spastically around them. They asked two defining questions; "What do you do when you want out [of the relationship]?" and, "How do I go on from here?"Now, I've had a decent share of failed relationships, not just romantically, friendships too so having been hurt (maybe not to the extreme as my friends). I can tell you it is freeing when you allow Jesus to speak/fight for you.

So how do we get to that freedom? When we feel betrayed, alone, and purposeless, where do we go?

We first close our mouths, breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth (suddenly I'm having flashbacks of my 3rd grade P.E. teacher telling me how to run around the field). Seriously though, ShHhHush. If you do this, you're keeping yourself from not only hurting others but yourself as well. The Bible says, "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks" (Luke 6:45). When things are initially going crazy, try not to talk. Trust me.

Second, this isn't a stop, drop, and roll deal. This is a stop, shush, and stay calm deal. So by now you've said to yourself over and over not to say anything. What next? Don't DO anything that will hurt yourself or others. Stay calm. People do this in a variety of ways. For me personally I enjoy sitting at the piano and letting the keys speak for me. Others bake, some organize and my husband, he chops wood or changes the water in the fish tank. If you have no idea what to do, take a nap.

Being silent and calm will allow God to speak to you. What will God say? He usually gives you peace above anything else. Then He will give you patience and perseverance to continue enduring that day in-between because when it rains, it pours. And when the rain finally stops and the sun comes out, you'll smile knowing you can start fresh on a new day knowing nothing was said or done that would hurt you in the days ahead, keeping you from the good days God has for you.

The Art of Forgiving

Ah, forgive and forget. A saying that continues to stand the test of time. Probably because we human beings continue to struggle with it in every aspect of our lives.

Either we forgive easily but have trouble forgetting, or we forget and down the road when the opportunity arises and an incident is remembered, we hesitate to forgive. Or we struggle with both and make it on a few people's "Those we do not speak of" lists. It's amazing how with billions of people in the world there to encourage you to carry on with your life, ONE person can really tip you over edge and turn you into the type of character you and others despise.

I try to love everyone. I try not to judge quickly and I'd like to believe with the help of a supernatural unconditional love I do a pretty good job at staying even keeled. However, it doesn't always work that way. There are those nights where I'll be doing laundry or the dishes and all of a sudden, it triggers. A memory of how I was wronged or I wronged another. I remind myself over and over again that the incident has been forgiven and that it's time to move on but my body is begging me to become angry and guilty and to stay that way. I literally feel my spirit yelling at my mind, "Nooooooooo!!!!" Slow motion and all.

It happens, we fall. So the question is, how do we get out of this situation? How do we master the art of forgiving and forgetting? I'm going to just take a shot with this. It's not the perfect answer, but it definitely helps me.

Perspective. Love. Jesus.

Nice and simple, huh? Wrong-O. Those three things are tough to recall in the heat of the battle. But let's take it from the top, starting with perspective.

Perspective.

When you're feeling low or angry, take a moment to look around you. Are you alone? Is it night time? Are you over-tired? Have you had a tough day? Are you able to understand that we live in a fallen world and therefore our bodies are not only decaying physically but trying desperately to decay mentally and emotionally as well? A lot of the time, anger and guilt can be controlled if you admit the circumstances surrounding you are having an outside impact on the way you're feeling inside. This is where the term "sleep it off" comes in handy. Now, I don't think you should go to bed angry (Eph. 4:26) but admitting that you've had a rough day and that you are struggling with anger or guilt can relieve that pressure and allow God to speak to you as you take a chill pill.

Love.

This is a little tougher to swallow. Loving or feeling loved in a situation where you're guilty or angry can be difficult to achieve. However, if you've gained some perspective you're well on your way to understanding this next step. When you've become aware you're struggling with forgiveness or guilt you become open to the necessity of love; the dependency of something greater than what you have. It's like the milk to your cookies, the cheese to your macaroni, the water to your fire. But self love and love from a family member or friend isn't enough. Let's be real, it was conditional love that got you here in the first place. What you need is unconditional love. A love that goes beyond the feelings and "oh mm gee's" of life and stands firm in the midst of the storm raging inside of you. That my friend can only be given through a dependency on Jesus Christ.

Jesus.

The greatest, most fulfilling DIY project you will ever take part in. This is where, after you've gained perspective and realized your need of love that you put into motion the most important step in the art of forgiving. Jesus Christ. I say DIY because your relationship with Him is something only you can enable. Praying, devotion, worship, fellowship, and lifestyle are all pieces to the relationship we are held accountable in. The more we actively seek Him in every aspect of our lives, the better understanding we have of the love He has to offer. You see, Jesus mastered the art of forgiving by choosing to forget for the sake of love. He came to Earth, took our sin, died for us, and rose again so that we may be forgiven and being forgiven means choosing to let go of the acknowledgment that we've failed. God doesn't just forget, He's all knowing, but he chooses to and this is how conditional love becomes unconditional.

The only way we can master the art of forgiving is understanding that we can't master it by ourselves. Ever. Our dependency on Jesus gives us a love we can share with others and convicts us to gain perspective when we're having those tough days. Those days where we just feel short from the finish line.

Psalm 62:1-2
"I find rest in God; only he can save me. He is my rock and my salvation. He is my defender; I will not be defeated."

National Right to Life Day 2014

It was January 22nd 2014. I woke up and knew I had to head downtown but every bone in my body screamed to stay in bed. I had stayed up late working on a few graphic design projects and my eyes just couldn't bear the rays of sun peaking through the blinds. Cora started crying so I got up, fed and changed her and sat on the bed trying to decide whether or not to go downtown for the day. I decided to go. The drive seemed long and my mind and my heart seemed to be in a horrible disagreement with one another regarding how awake and attentive I truly was. And then I met her.

She was afraid. Although it was a beautiful sunny day she didn't see the sun. She couldn't feel anything. She had just found out she was pregnant. 

"I just celebrated my birthday with my 22 year old daughter," she said as she smiled at the fresh memory of spending time with her daughter. "I'm 41 years old...I can't do this again." She took a deep breath and looked down. She felt trapped.

I stood there in awe. I couldn't imagine having a child at that age now knowing the amount of work that goes into raising a child. I stood there in silence for a moment looking at the face of my little one.

"Do you know why we have children?" I asked her not fully knowing where the conversation would end. She was silent. I continued, "My father was the youngest of ten. His mother had him at an older age than you are now and had she terminated her pregnancy, I wouldn't be here with you now." She started to cry. I scooted closer to her. "I'm not here to make you feel guilty for thinking the thoughts you are or feeling the way you do. I'm here to remind you what children do for this world. Because my grandmother chose to have my father she not only passed on her sweet and strong nature, she also passed on the hope of Jesus Christ. That's the only way this world can get better; passing down His promises, love, and hope." She grabbed my hand.

I continued. "I know you're afraid but God is going make good out of this situation by renewing your strength and bringing into your life someone who will one day look into the eyes of someone unsure and remind them of the stability of God's love."

And like that, it was as if her crashing world finally came to a halt. I saw her look into the sun. She then turned to me, thanked me, gave me a hug and walked away.

She was at peace.

Romans 8:28
We know that in everything God works for the good of those who love him. They are the people he called, because that was his plan.